Current mood: happy
currently listening to:The Avett Brothers
so...right now, I feel like the only thing I can possibly that sums it all up this week is that God is SO good and that he reveals Himself and His Son through everything I do.
for this week, I worked a lot, community group on wed, durham bulls game with a friend on fri, moved out of my north campus crossing apartment this saturday and the heat was painful, 4 days of workouts in a row, and attended two churches this weekend (calvary in Apex and Vintage). If I made this blog just to post about my weekly movements, how pointless would this thing be? haha. if that was case, welp, i'd be done already! man, stating my week went by quick...I feel like just by showing how easy it is to state what you did this week in a paragraph just shows me that there is MORE to what I AM then WHAT IM DOING every day of the week. Man. God is SO good.
Something I really enjoy doing is when I'm driving home and the sun is setting, i hold my arms out my window (mainly because I have no AC and im hot, but go with me here...)and as i feel the wind between my fingers, I think to myself how amazing the smallest things are and that I owe them all to God. Like wind for instance, do people understand how important wind is? you can't see it, but you can feel it. so you know it's there, right? isn't that an amazing analogy to our God. I can't see you God, but I feel you. in the wind, in the sunsets, in the waves, in flowers, in the silhouettes of trees, etc. I've also turned off my radio in my car and just listened to the quiet in my car, have you ever done that? to hear yourself think?
Something this week that i've struggled with is the feeling of being alone. I feel this has been a struggle for me for a while in my life, that I just don't have a lot of people to confide in. Now, I know this is going to be a constant struggle for me because people have walked out of my life all through out all my life and every time it happens it just destroys me. What i've just realized as i typed this paragraph out is that I put too much faith in others, because its easier to trust in others as they sit in front of your face, then it is to trust in Jesus. But as I type that last sentence and the thoughts that have been going through my head this week, is that I will never be alone because I have Jesus. So as I sit here, worrying that I've lost the true friendship of a best friend, worrying that I'll never find someone to cherish , worrying that I wont find a community in Greenville that helps my faith grow, worrying that I'll slip when i go back to school, worrying that my parents divorce still effects me and will effect the way i handle all my relationships, I must also realize that I'm not alone in any of these. Jesus is with me with every breath i take and every move I make (police lyrics) ; and that's beautiful. Jesus never promised a calm life, and frankly, I'd never appreciate the calm if it weren't for the storms.
however, I look at all these obstacles i have and i realize that a.) not all of my worries pan out the way I think they will b.) i'm a bad worrier and c.) i just need to lift these things up to God and trust in my faith that everything will work out in God's plan. granted, it's still hard to not be upset about it all because i'm human... some of these worries, this week, have already been solved by scripture i've read in the bible. like this one:
"if the world hates you remember that it hated me first. the world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. i chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you." John 15:18-19
man, how great is that one? this week I was upset about some people still hating me in my past, and what the future might hold as i come back to greenville.. and then this scripture came to me. wow! "the world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you" geez. dead on, Jesus. Dead on. this tells me that yep, some people are gonna hate me and think less of me, but i will be okay because Jesus chose me to take me and you out of it in the end; and all that I deal with, I must remember that they hated Jesus first.
I also just have had my mind blown by the bible this week. like, my brain can barely grasp the idea of the things jesus did for people. curing a leper, bringing a dead man back to life, calming a storm, etc. I told someone this week I almost feel like I'm reading a non fiction book because it is so hard to understand what exactly he did for us. I've also developed a bit of jealousy towards the people who met him. man, did they understand what exactly they hand in front of them? and it makes me think to myself.. If i was there, and i met jesus, would i know it when i saw him? or would I accuse him of being someone false? of course, the obvious answer everyone would love to tell themselves is ''well yes, of course i would know it when i saw him" but it's an interesting thing to think about. I don't really know what i would do. I figure, however, that if i can trust in God by feeling the holy spirit, that I would know Jesus when I saw him. I hope. =)
this blog kind of hops around, i apologize. my brain kind of moves a mile a minute. I hope it made sense.
i'll end in this though. despite my worries, my fears, and my own journey, trusting in God has been hard but it feels so wonderful. I never want to go back to where I was before I really accepted YOU in my heart...and i know i still have so much to explore in Your Light, and I only hope I grow stronger. man oh man.
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